


I'll write my love to you

by UnZafiroEspumoso



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not many spoliers but I'll label them when they are, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-09-25 18:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20376097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnZafiroEspumoso/pseuds/UnZafiroEspumoso
Summary: Ferdinand von Aegir has a secret he cant let anyone know. He's fallen hopelessly in love with a man who seems to hate his very existence. At a loss, he writes a note to the  Church's anonymous counsellor service for advice. But when the note goes astray he soon finds himself exchanging letters with a mysterious individual, leading to revelations he never dared to let himself imagine.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> So I recently bought this little game called Fire Emblem Three Houses and have been hooked ever since. I've completed BL and GD and just started BE route where I found this too cute to ignore pairing of Hubert and Ferdinand and I just had to write a fic about them!
> 
> This is going to be pretty much non canon, it takes place in the monastery and has all the wonderful characters in it but I'll try to avoid too many spoilers and I'll highlight them if there are any but most of this is what my own head imagined. 
> 
> It's not beta read so all mistakes are my own I hope they don't spoil the story too much
> 
> Hope you all enjoy x

Ferdinand supressed a sigh as he rode back to Garreg Mach along with the rest of his class. The company travelled in silence as was their custom after battle, no one had much appetite for engaging in frivolous chat after been out on the battlefield. It had become a sort of a ritual for them to let the relative peace of the road back to the monastery wash away the brutal scenes of violence and death which clung to them long after the fight was over. It would only be later on, after debriefing about their most recent outing, that their lives would seem to return to the normality everyday monastery life provided. Until the next months mission that was. 

It wouldn't be long before they were back at what was fast becoming their second home. It was as they neared the monastery that Ferdinand found it more and more difficult to ignore the throb of pain his shoulder. For the best part of the journey back he had been able to ignore it by gritting his teeth and being stubborn. Now though he was growing tired and he found himself wanting nothing more than to be rid of his armour and soaking in a nice hot bath. Grimacing, he tried to twist as much as his armour would allow in the hopes of finding a more comfortable position. The ache in his shoulder was from where a lance had dealt a glancing blow to his armour. Thankfully, his armour was as far as the lance had managed to get before he repaid the attacker in kind. Still he would almost definitely have a sore shoulder for the next month.

After what felt like hours of riding the monastery finally came into view. While the rest of the group returned to their quarters to change and take five minutes to compose themselves, Ferdinand headed to the stables. Even though there were plenty of stable grooms to help tend to the horses, Ferdinand much preferred to stable his horse himself. As a child he had always loved horses and had often found himself spending much of his free time with them. That was until his noble duties started taking up too much of his time. Despite this, he always liked to come to the stables when he had the chance so that he could make sure all the horses were happy and in good condition. Truthfully he felt it was a shame to make such a beautiful creature fight for them hence why he felt he had to personally stable his horse after battle. There was no way he could bear it if he had gotten the horse injured and been too ignorant to realise. Plus this time the horse he had taken out with him had been Dorte, who was Marianne's favourite. Ferdinand didn't know Marianne terribly well except that she was a timid girl who kept herself to herself, but he always saw her around the stables whenever he came down. Although she was quiet, he was terrified of what she would do to him if he let anything bad happen to any of the horses, especially if said horse was Dorte. 

Ferdinand glanced around the stables to check if anyone was there before dismounting. The dismount was not quite as graceful as he had intended it to be but at least there was no one there to see it. At this this time of evening it was unusual to see people around the stables which was good because it meant he didn’t have to make polite small talk when all he really wanted to do was be left alone with his thoughts. As he set about removing Dorte's armour, he felt his mind wandering to mull over the battle and more importantly his errors.

All in all it was a fairly straightforward fight, simply routing some bandits who were causing trouble on the outskirts of the monastery. Everyone did a good job under the leadership of their new professor and they were even starting to look like an actual team. On top of that no one got injured. Well, no one except him anyway. Not that a sore shoulder was a major injury, but still if the bandit had been stronger the lance would certainly have pierced his armour and then what? Given the bandits poor aim, this time probably just a trip to the infirmary to see Manuela. But what if the bandit had had better aim? Ferdinand shuddered at the thought and dropped the armour he was carrying causing an almighty clatter which startled Dorte making him whine and stamp his hoof in irritation at his riders unusual clumsiness.

'Sorry boy, guess I'm feeling a little out of sorts. But don't worry, you did great out there' Ferdinand said to Dorte while stroking his muzzle. Dorte leaned into his hand and bumped his head fondly against Ferdinand's, he was forgiven. 

'In fact, you did such a good job out there I think you deserve a treat' Ferdinand said with a smile, he gave Dorte a quick pat to let him know he was coming back and went in search of the stash of carrots Marianne kept hidden in the stables. He was sure if it were him who had hidden the carrots the horses would have found and eaten them all long ago. But because the stash belonged to Marianne, they respectfully pretended that they didn’t know there was a pile of treats hidden under a wooden crate just outside the stables. 

It was as he was removing a handful of carrots from the pile that he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. He whirled around, quickly assuming a fighting pose looking for whoever was there. The yard however was empty, the only sounds coming from occasional whiny of the horses. Despite the apparent emptiness of the yard Ferdinand remained unconvinced. He might not be feeling himself but he trusted his senses and he was sure he had felt someone watching him from close by.

'Whose there? Show yourself?' He demanded, trying to ascertain who was watching him. Having let his guard down once too many times already today, he moved slowly into the centre of the yard keeping a defensive position but quickly poised to go on the attack if necessary. Whoever was there was toying with him that was for sure, no doubt enjoying putting him edge after the battle. 

'I, Ferdinand von Aegir, demand you show yourself' he shouted, putting as much authority into his voice as possible. It was impossible for it to be anything other than children playing a silly game on him he told himself, looking around the yard without seeing anything out of the ordinary.

'Tempting as it is to leave you standing there in that ridiculous pose, I need a word with you and time is as always short' came the purr of figure gracefully emerging from the shadows of the stable. 

'Hubert' Ferdinand replied curtly, straightening up. Of course it was Hubert, only he was so successful at slinking around the shadows without being seen. A blush crossed his face at the thought of how he must have looked crouched low with two carrots in his hands as weapons. 

'This was an easy battle and that was an easy blow to avoid’ Hubert stated, forgoing any formalities and getting straight to the point. 

'I'll admit it wasn’t my finest hour. I'm sure the professor will give me the appropriate training for next time.' He replied diplomatic as ever, he really wasn't in the mood for an argument.

'Hmm it never seems to be your finest hour does it Ferdinand? We've been in several battles so far and I don’t think you shined in any of them. In fact, even Bernadette who shakes when holding a bow has proven her worth in battle more than you.'

Ferdinand bristled at that, it was true he may have made mistakes both on and off the battlefield, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve to be out there fighting with his fellow classmates. 

'If that's what you think then you are entitled to your opinion.' Ferdinand replied curtly, he wasn't going to give in to the anger beginning to boil under his skin. 

'Yes, and this opinion of mine carries a certain weight behind it' Hubert sneered in reply. 

Ferdinand swallowed, feeling the verbal punch to his gut. Surely Hubert wouldn't recommend to Edelgard that he be made to sit on side-lines. Even if he did he knew the new professor would be against it and that would almost certainly stop Edelgard from taking Hubert’s advice, at least for now. 'You aren't the only person whose words carry weight' he said defiantly puffing out his chest. He might not be spoiling for a fight but he certainly wasn’t going to let Hubert walk all over him. 

Hubert raised his eyebrows slightly, clearly not expecting that response. A dark chuckle escaped him, 'well so you do have some spark in you after all. I was beginning to wonder after your recent lacklustre displays. Regardless Ferdinand, you had better up your game or you'll find that some peoples words carry more weight than others". With that he turned and left, making as little noise as he had when arrived. 

Ferdinand stood there for a while not daring to move, it was only when he was sure Hubert had gone that he let out the anger that had been building since he gotten back to the monastery. It wasn't enough that his performance on the battlefield had been poor, but now he had Hubert threatening to keep him out of the action altogether now as well. 

He tried to take a deep breath and think rationally. What did he expect from Hubert really? It was hardly like was going to come and sing Ferdinand praises after all. In fact, anytime Hubert talked to him it was always a criticism of some sort. So really it shouldn't have come as a surprise when he had turned up to chastise him on his poor performance. 

As he calmed down, Ferdinand became aware of a wetness seeping into his hand. Looking down, he saw he'd clenched his hand so hard he'd squashed the carrots he was holding. Sighing, he gave the now squashed carrots to Dorte who didn't look the least bit impressed with him. 'Sorry boy, I didn't mean to squash your treat. That man just gets to me you know?'  
Ferdinand said by way of an apology. He was sure Dorte didn't know what it felt like but the horse snorted in response anyway. 

As he made his way from the stable to the classroom for what he predicted to be a short debrief, he pretended the pain in his chest was just anxiety and stress caused by Hubert’s recent tongue lashing and his poor battle performance. If only it were that simple.


	2. Chapter 2

Short and sweet was the saying Ferdinand had in mind as he joined the rest of his class for the debriefing session. On his way up from the stables he had prayed that it would be over quickly so that he could escape to the peace and quiet of his room. He needed time to think and process his emotions, which were all over the place after his impromptu encounter with Hubert. 

As soon as he arrived at their classroom, Ferdinand quickly spotted the man responsible for his current bad mood. Naturally he was stood slightly away from the rest of the group with Edelgard. It was like pair were joined at the hip, although Ferdinand had noticed the princess trying to join in more with everyone since the new Professor had started teaching them. 

Ferdinand made his way over to join the little group Dorothea, Petra and Caspar had formed. Out of all the people in his class he got along with these three the best, he was sure they would cheer him up at least a little. As Ferdinand walked past Hubert he tried not look at the man, the last thing he wanted was to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he had affected him. 

'Ferdinand, nice work out there today. You didn’t get as many of the bandits as me though' Capsar said jovially, his competitive streak on full display. 

'Caspar it is not about how many we are killing, it is about the working as a team' Petra replied with a frown.  
'I know that Petra, but what's a bit of healthy competition' Caspar said with a shake of his head, he never liked it when people failed to understand his competitive side. 

'Well I think we all did very well, hopefully the Professor won't keep us too long I'm supposed to be meeting a friend later' Dorothea remarked a little concerned at the possibility of being late for her prior engagement. 

'You have lots of friends Dorothea, I am a little jealous of how socially your life is' Petra commented, looking a little downcast at the fact that her own social life was nowhere near as busy as her friends.

'I don't think you need to be jealous of any of Dorothea’s friends' Caspar replied, emphasising the word friends. 

Dorothea simply laughed before playfully responding, 'what was that Caspar, you're jealous too? Don’t worry, I'm sure I can introduce you to some of my friends anytime you like. What about you Ferdie, you look like you could do with some fun too.'

Up to this point Ferdinand had been quite happy watching the conversation unfold from the side-lines. Normally he enjoyed having a post mission banter but today he didn’t really feel like joining in on the fun. So when Byleth chose that moment to start the debrief he let out a huge internal sigh of relief at not having to answer Dorothea. 

The session began the same way as any other with Byleth congratulating everyone on a successful mission before taking the time to speak to them individually. She always ensured that she gave everyone some praise along with an area to work on over the next month. One thing Ferdinand couldn't help but admire about her was her ability to see the potential in everyone regardless of their status or upbringing. Her feedback was formed by what she saw with her own eyes, her criticism always constructive and never judgemental. 

Therefore when it was Ferdinand's turn to receive feedback, he needn't have braced himself for another round of scathing comments of the like he had received earlier. Instead, Byleth congratulated him with a smile for his swift adaption to being a mounted unit from a foot soldier. 'This is only the second time you have been out as a cavalier, I'm impressed by how quickly you have mastered the change in angle when swinging the lance from the back of your horse. If you keep up this progression we will be seeing you as a paladin in no time.' 

Ferdinand blinked in disbelief, was he sure she had been watching the same battle? Maybe she had it confused with his performance from last month? His own confusion must have shown on his face as Byleth's congratulatory smile slowly faded and was replaced with a smaller, more knowing one. 

'You are being too critical of yourself Ferdinand. I know the fact you allowed yourself to get a small injury is giving you cause for concern. However, it is only natural for you to take time to grow accustomed to the differences in movement as a cavalier. Whereas before you could nimbly step out of the way of a lance at the last minute, that is something you can no longer do when seated atop a horse. Instead, you have to plan your position on the field in relation to your enemies much more carefully. It is something that you will acquire with practice and we will work on it together this month. Do not lose faith in yourself over this, it is a problem easily rectified and I have complete confidence in your ability as my mounted unit.'

Ferdinand nodded and this time returned his teachers smile, 'thank you Professor. I promise I will not let you down.' Satisfied with his answer, Byleth moved on to give Bernadetta her feedback. Ferdinand noticed that for once the girl appeared much calmer than normal, as if she weren’t about to flee at the nearest opportunity. 

As he waited for the meeting to be concluded he turned the Professor’s words over in his head. It was true he hadn't been a cavalier long. Although he was no stranger to horse riding he had never ridden whilst in full battle gear. That was almost certainly the root of the problem. He was forgetting that he was now much less nimble atop a horse but with the right training and time to adjust, he was certain he would be pulling off dodges and counters like never before. 

'What are suddenly smiling at Ferdie? When you came in here you had a face like thunder' Dorothea asked in her sing song voice, a mischievous look on her face. 

'Oh nothing, just feeling relieved is all.' It was the truth, Ferdinand felt as though the dark cloud that had formed over him at the stables was beginning to lift and he could finally see the sun's rays breaking through.

'Relived hmmm. Are you sure that’s it? Tell me was it something the Professor said' Dorothea teased, but her fun was cut short as Byleth motioned for everyone to regroup. Once again the professor had saved Ferdinand from having to come up with a response. 

'Well done again everyone for your efforts today, you all handled the battle incredibly well. If there is anything anybody wants to add, please feel free to do so now before I dismiss you'. It was custom for the Professor to allow everyone a final opportunity to voice their opinions before ending the session.

'If it's all the same to you Professor there's no need to discuss anything any further. If anything this session should have ended at least a quarter of an hour ago' Lindhart drawled, punctuating the end of his sentence with a yawn. 

'Lindhard don't be rude' Ferdinand admonished his perpetually sleepy classmate, one day his lethargy was going to get him into more trouble than a simple slap of the wrist. 

'Eh he kinda does have a point though Professor. Everyone is tired and I daresay in need of a good night's rest before class tomorrow. I think I speak for everyone when I ask if we can all go and get some rest ready for training tomorrow?' Caspar piped up.

Byleth nodded her head in agreement and was about to dismiss them when a clearing of a throat caught her attention. 'Ahem, if I may Professor?' Hubert spoke up from Edlegard's side, everyone's attention immediately turning to the shadowy figure. Hubert possessed an uncanny ability to appear invisible regardless of the situation, only when he wanted people's attention did he make his presence known. Ferdinand forced himself to turn to face Hubert, the anger and anxiety from earlier quickly came flooding back, dampening out the sense of relief he had briefly felt.

'As you said Professor, today was a good battle. However I feel it necessary to point out that it was not without its flaws. I wouldn't want people getting carried away with themselves' Hubert's velvety tones washed over the class like one of his spells on the field, the only one not enthralled by it was Ferdinand who stood stoically glaring at the older man. What the hell was Hubert playing at? Ferdinand thought to himself, his hands curling into fists of their own accord. Proving a point that his words carried with them a power others did not? 

Byleth shook her head in response. ‘Of course not Hubert and I'm sure no one here is ever going to get ahead of themselves. However, it is important to recognise people's achievements and praise them accordingly. Today everyone displayed exceptional skill and promise which I intended to help develop over the next few months.' 

'Of course Professor I'm aware of that. However the enemies we faced today were not particularly strong which is a lucky thing for some of us. I am merely thinking of the safety of Lady Edelgard when I say that we cannot afford to be taking people lacking the right requirements into battle.' Hubert’s words hung heavy in the air, the light hearted atmosphere from the successful mission completely gone.

Everyone was watching the standoff between the Professor and Hubert. Lindhardt's usual sleepy expression had been replaced with an alertness that seemed completely out of place on his face. Caspar's brows were drawn in confusion to the sudden turn of events. Petra too had her brows drawn, although Ferdinand suspected this was more due to her concentrating so that she could understand the nuances of what was being said. Bernadetta was the only one who looked as though she didn’t care, it was only closer inspection that it was possible to see she had managed to faint standing up. Dorothea moved slightly closer to Ferdinand and was looking at him with a worried expression. Ferdinand however didn’t look at her, his sights were firmly set on Hubert. 

The only one who seemed to be completely unfazed by the whole situation was Byleth. 'Whilst I understand the reasons behind your concern, I'm sure Lady Edelgard will agree when I say there is no one in this room that does not possess the talent to be out of the field', a steel had entered her voice and she looked questioningly at Edelgard clearly wanting to hear the princesses opinion on the matter.

If possible a look of discomfort briefly flashed over Edelgard's face. Edelgard was a meticulous planner with things rarely coming as a surprise to her. However, she clearly had neither expected this little argument nor anticipated being dragged into the centre of it. Ferdinand was sure Hubert had not told her of his intention to voice his opinion on the battle. Rather this was something personal between himself and Ferdinand, he was doing it to prove his point from earlier and send a warning to the young noble. 

'Hubert, the Professor is right there is no need to worry about anyone’s ability yet. From what I have seen I agree with the Professor that everyone here is deserving to be out on the field. Whilst nobody is perfect yet, I have complete faith in everyone's ability out there.' Edelgard’s reply was decisive, she had sided with Professor this time but Ferdinand couldn't help but worry that one day she may change her opinion to that of her vassal. 

Hubert bowed his head in response. 'Of course Lady Edelgard, I just wanted to bring it to everyone's attention that we cannot afford to have people lacking the required skills on the team.' Hubert met Ferdinand's gaze and the noble could feel his blood beginning to boil for the second time that evening. The palms of his hands were beginning to hurt where his nails were digging into the soft flesh of his palm, any attempt at hiding his feelings had gone completely out of the window.

The professor sensing the need to break the tension dismissed them for the rest of the evening. It was with that dismissal that Ferdinand all but stormed out of the room, for once not caring about how he appeared to his fellow classmates. All he knew was that he needed to put as much distance between himself and Hubert as physically possible or else he was liable to punch the infuriating man.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!   
I just wanted to say a quick thank you to all the kudos people have left, I really wasn't expecting them but I'm glad people are liking the story so far! Also a huge thank you to everyone whose left notes too, I really enjoy reading them and seeing what you think of it!  
Enjoy the next chapter x

Ferdinand didn't know how long he had been walking. In all honesty he didn't remember much after leaving the classroom, the incessant pounding in his head meant that it was impossible for him to think clearly. It was as though a dense fog was blanketing his mind, preventing him from putting even two words together let alone navigating a route back to his dorm. Thankfully his legs appeared to have developed a mind of their own and were directing him towards his room, otherwise he'd have been liable to end up in the middle of the forest surrounding Garreg Mach. 

As he was walking he noticed that everything around him seemed dulled. He could hear nothing over the ringing in his ears and all the usual bright colours of the monastery seemed to merge into one brown blob. The longer he walked, the more he became convinced that this was his new reality and that he would never go back to seeing the world in all its beauty. 

It was just as he was resigning himself to his new fate that a melodic sound drifted over to him. The sound didn't seem to belong in this depressing world Ferdinand was trapped in, rather it was sweet and warm instead of cold and harsh.   
Ferdinand stopped perplexed and tried to focus on the comforting melody which seemed to be getting nearer and nearer. It was as if the music was trying to throw him a lifeline back to the land of the living. Not wanting to miss the opportunity to return to normality, Ferdinand reached out blindly and grabbed onto the sound. As he clung on, the ringing in his ears slowly started to fade and colour started to bleed back into the world. What was going on? Was this some sort of magic? Had he gone crazy and started hallucinating things? No he was sure there had to be a logical explanation to this. Very slowly and deliberately Ferdinand squeezed his eyes shut, counted to three and slowly reopened them. 

'Ahhh!' the young noble exclaimed in complete surprise. Upon opening his eyes he had been greeted with a face full of Dorothea, her nose barely an inch away from his own. 

'Hey Ferdie! That's no way to greet a lady, especially when this lady has been shouting after you all the way from the classroom! Where were you going in such a hurry?' Dorothea said sounding slightly out of breath, her voice full of worry. Having seen that she finally had gotten his attention, she took a step back and awaited his answer. 

'So you were the music' Ferdinand exclaimed as everything clicked into place in his head. The sudden shock of having a face full of Dorothea had kicked his brain back into gear and he was relieved that at least for now he hadn't gone crazy. 

'Huh? Music?' Dorothea replied perplexed, this was not the response she had been expecting and her face grew even more worried at her friends increasingly strange behaviour. 

'Err it's nothing, I mean...' Ferdinand started and stopped, what was he going to say to explain himself? Until a moment ago he couldn't even chain two words together let alone be able to supply a coherent answer. How was he going to be able to provide an adequate explanation for his behaviour? Luckily Dorothea seemed to be able to realise what had happened without him needing to explain anything. 

'Don't worry about it Ferdie I get it, you were having a little breakdown right? Hubert got you pretty riled up there huh. You shouldn't take it to heart so much, especially when all he was doing was just trying to cause problems. Besides you heard the Professor, she believes in every one of us, that overgrown bat be damned.'   
Ferdinand couldn't help but smile at Dorothea's fairly accurate description of Hubert, he did have a rather peculiar physique to him. Still, she was only half right in her assumptions. Whilst it was true that the older man had gotten to him, it wasn't so much his words that had upset Ferdinand. In fact, Ferdinand was certain that he wouldn't have let those insinuations affect him had it been anyone else saying them to him. 

'I suppose you are right Dorothea, it is just a little more complicated than that...' Ferdinand started and trailed off again unsure of how to continue. What Hubert had said to him wasn't the reason why he was so upset, that was for certain. No, it was the very fact that it was Hubert saying those words to him that was causing him so much distress. Hubert, the man for whom Ferdinand had been carrying a secret torch for since he had first laid eyes on the mysterious man. That was why he couldn’t help but despair at it all. The man he was so hopelessly in love with was being so cruel to him and it hurt worse than any injury he had sustained out on the field. But he could never admit that to Dorothea, he couldn't admit it to anyone. It was a secret Ferdinand had kept for several years.

The whole issue had started many moons ago when Ferdinand had been much younger. As a teenager he had never been interested in finding a partner. At the time no one paid it much mind, he was still young and like most men his age he was interested in becoming a knight and learning how to fight instead of taking a wife. 

It wasn’t until he came of age and his father, who was always looking to strengthen his political position, had started introducing him to potential suitors. However, no matter who his father introduced him to it always went the same way with Ferdinand meeting the girls for tea and then politely declining a second date.

It was after the tenth or so time that this happened that people started to talk and rumours began to spread as to why he might not be interested in all the lovely ladies who were all but throwing themselves at him. Whilst Ferdinand never outwardly paid attention to any of the gossip, it didn’t mean that he was completely immune to it. Away from prying eyes he spent many nights unable to sleep with the worry that there was something wrong with him. Out of all of his childhood friends he was the only one who wasn’t remotely interested in dating. No matter how hard he tried to like the people he met he just couldn’t feel anything aside from boredom. 

That was until he met Hubert von Vestra. It had happened not long before he started at Garreg Mach during a meeting of the imperial nobility. Although Ferdinand had heard talk of the princess's mysterious vassal, he had never actually seen him in person before. In all honesty, Ferdinand hadn’t been sure as to whether he actually wanted to meet the man or not given the stories and reputation that preceeded him. But all the uncertainty and weariness he had felt towards Hubert had completely dissipated the moment Ferdinand had actually set eyes on him. 

Hubert in person was a sight to behold and upon seeing him Ferdinand had experienced a sensation that he had never felt before, a sort of warm fluttering in his stomach that radiated throughout his entire body. Unfortunately, he didn’t have much time to contemplate this new revelation as the meeting between the noble leaders had been due to start. During the meeting, Ferdinand had spent less time paying attention to what was being discussed and more time trying to steal glances at the utterly enchanting man. Watching him from afar, he had found himself becoming more and more captivated by the elegance and grace Hubert possessed. It was in that moment that Ferdinand knew he would never feel this desire and yearning for anyone else. Just his luck to fall for the most impossible man in all of Fódlan. 

A slight shaking of his shoulder roused Ferdinand from his thoughts and once again back to reality. 'Hey, stop getting so caught up in that head of yours. I get it, this is something you find hard to talk about so I’m not offended if you don't want to explain it to me' Dorothea said with a reassuring smile. 

'You aren't offended?' Ferdinand asked a little sheepish. Over the few months he'd known Dorothea she'd become a very good friend of his, even if they had got off to bit of a rocky start. Ferdinand was normally completely open and honest with her so he was worried his sudden reluctance to talk would offend her.   
'Of course not silly, sometimes there are things that are just too personal to come right out and say.'   
'I... thank you Dorothea' Ferdinand replied a little embarrassed at his handling of the whole situation. Where had all his sophisticated charm gone? He was sure the children down at the market would have handled this in a more mature way than him. 

Dorothea cocked her to one side, deep in thought. 'Hmmm Ferdie, do you wanna know what I do when I have a problem that I need help with but don't want people to know about? I write a note and take it the Church's counsellor service.'   
'The counsellor service?' Ferdinand asked scratching his head. He had vaguely heard talk of a sort of advice service the monastery offered but he had never bothered to learn all the in's and out's of how it worked. It was a good thing he had Dorothea to help him out.

'Mmmhmm, just write a note with your problem on it and drop it off in the advice box. Then people from the monastery can go and read the notes and offer solutions. The best bit is that it's completely anonymous. I've used it myself a few times and have always gotten good replies' Dorothea happily filled him in with a smile. 

Ferdinand considered it for a moment, it certainly seemed like a good idea but there was one thing bothering him. 'If it's anonymous, how will I know if I get a reply?' 

Dorothea had clearly been expecting this question as a reply smoothly left her lips. 'Well you see there's a sort of board near the entrance to the church where all the notes with answers are pinned up. Whenever I leave a note, I usually drop by the board on the way back from choir practice to see if it's there or not.'   
Ferdinand took another few seconds to once again mull it over in his head, all in all it seemed like a good idea. 'Thank you for explaining it to me Dorothea, what would I do without you eh?'   
Dorothea laughed and gently touched his shoulder, 'you should try it Ferdie. I don't like seeing you looking so distressed and acting so odd, maybe it would help put a smile on your face again.' 

Ferdinand nodded his head in response. 'I will, I promise. But don't go checking the advice box just to see if you can guess which note is mine' he teased trying to lighten the mood a little, he didn't like making his friend worry. 

'I wont silly, besides I don’t have time to be checking the advice box everyday. Now I really hate to leave you like this but I kinda have to dash. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?' Dorothea asked a little reluctant to leave him so suddenly. 

Ferdinand just smiled and nodded his head. He had completely forgotten she was suppose to be meeting someone after the debrief. In all likelihood she had decided to follow Ferdinand knowing it would make her late to her date, he really was lucky to have her as a friend. 'Don’t worry about it, you've really helped me out a lot. I promise I'll be fine, I'm going to head straight up to my dorm and get some rest. Now you make sure you have a good date okay?' 

Satisfied with his response Dorothea flashed him one last apologetic look before turning around and heading back the way she had came. Ferdinand watched her as far as he could before she disappeared from his sight. Sighing to himself he looked around to see where actually he was, fortunately he could see that he was close to the second floor dorms. Deciding there really was no point in standing around by himself he set off up to his room already thinking about the note he was going to write.


	4. Chapter 4

Night had long since fallen around Garreg Mach, the moonlight casting an eerie glow around the monastery and its surroundings. All was calm and still, the quietness a stark contrast to the hustle and bustle of the halls during the day. Outside at this hour it was easy to see where all of the rumours about ghosts had come from as the darkness and relative silence gave the monastery an unnerving edge. 

Ferdinand, however, didn't have time to be scared of bumping into any ghostly apparitions that might have been looking to cause mischief and mayhem. The young noble was in far too much of a hurry to pay attention to anything other than his mission as he darted through the empty halls on the way to the Church. As he rushed through corridor after corridor, his mind couldn't help but flicker back to a few hours earlier when he had arrived back at his dorm. Despite telling Dorothea that he would write a note to the advice service, the short walk back to his room was still long enough for him to start having doubts as to whether or not to go through with it. He couldn’t help but worry that someone would find about it, which would only add more fuel to Hubert’s constant 'let's undermine Ferdinand at every opportunity' fire.

In the end he decided he might as well try and write something down and take it, after all what’s the worse that could happen? It had taken him two hours of careful deliberation to finally decide on what he was going to write. Then it had taken him a further hour to actually put quill to paper and articulate it in such a way so that it didn't make him sound like a teenager talking about their first crush. When he had finally been satisfied with his efforts, darkness had fallen outside and his floor had become littered with pieces of paper full of his discarded attempts. The darkness didn’t particularly bother Ferdinand as it would make it easier for him to deliver the note unnoticed, the failed attempts covering his floor were more of a worry. 

Recently, Caspar had developed a habit of walking in unannounced at any given hour so that he could boast of his latest achievement either in training or out on the field. Even when Ferdinand had started locking his door to prevent such unwanted intrusions, Caspar would fail to take the hint and instead would shout loudly through the closed door until Ferdinand finally relented and acknowledged the other's achievements. The last thing he needed was his over zealous friend unwittingly finding out about his closely guarded secret. Therefore, he needed to be as quick as possible delivering the note so that he would have enough time to successfully dispose of the drafts covering his room floor and also get a decent amount of sleep before dawn.

As Ferdinand got closer to the Church, he felt the doubt from earlier slowly start to return and begin to niggle away at him. Sneaking out like this at the dead of night really was ridiculous. In fact, the only thing that was even more ludicrous was the note itself, which was currently burning a hole in his left hand. Ferdinand was sure that it contained the most embarrassing thing he had ever written. It would almost certainly be the most embarrassing thing the advice box had ever received. Surely there was no point in even handing it in?

For the second time that day, Ferdinand's legs developed a mind of their own and this time they decided to seize up to prevent him from taking another step. It was as though his body was unconsciously telling him that this really was a bad idea and that he should immediately abort the mission and return to his room. After several minutes of trying and failing to get his legs to move in the direction of the Church he had no choice but to turn around and head back the way he had come, something which his legs were more than happy to do. It was just as he was about to set off back to his room that he heard footsteps coming quickly towards him. Panic instantly gripped him, all of sudden it seemed impossible for him to catch his breath and his skin broke out in a cold sweat. 

Ferdinand groaned to himself at how much of an idiot he had been, this whole thing had been a stupid idea. Of course it would be just his luck to run into someone in the deserted corridor in the dead of night when everyone should be asleep. Who else would be out at this time of night? Ferdinand thought to himself, the footsteps seemed to echo in his head making it difficult to focus on anything but them. It had to be one of the professors monitoring the halls to ensure there were no wayward students causing mischief. If they found him outside like this with a suspicious note in his hand they would surely take it off him and proceed to read it... 

The thought of having his note read out in front of him gave Ferdinand enough of a jolt to actually make movement possible again. He wouldn’t have time to outrun whoever the footsteps belonged too, but he could at least hide the note from them. He made to shove it in his jacket pocket but instead of it nestling itself nicely out of the sight of whoever was just round the corner, the piece of folded paper merely fluttered to the floor and looked up mockingly up at him. Ferdinand let out another groan, having expected this to be a quick and straightforward journey he had ventured out in only his shirt and trousers, both of which were pocket less. 

Ferdinand bent down and snatched the note up, he just had time to shove it into a crack in the wall before he heard an audible gasp come from behind him. 'Oh my, are you okay?' A gentle voice rang out in alarm. 

Ferdinand carefully straightened himself up from where he had hastily been bent down. Turning around he was wholeheartedly relieved to see that the person in question was the nice young girl Flayn and not her older brother Seteth, who would have immediately been suspicious of finding Ferdinand in such a predicament. 

'Ah I'm fine' Ferdinand replied, trying his best to pull of a smile and appear as normal as possible. Unfortunately, he wasn't very successful. 

'Hmmm I am not so sure. I distinctly heard several groans coming from this direction and upon my arrival I found you slumped strangely over the wall. That and the fact you're out of bed at this late hour... no I am certain something is wrong.' Flayn surmised, her brows drawn in what Ferdinand hoped was confusion and not anger. Considering the fact that Flayn had all but decided something was wrong with him, Ferdinand had little choice in what to do next. 

As much as the young noble hated having to lie, especially to Flayn of all people, he decided a small white one would probably be the quickest way to solve the problem. 'Well, okay I'll admit that I wasn't feeling too well so I decided to take a quick walk in cool night air. But as I was walking a sudden dizziness came over me and I had to stop and wait for it to clear’.

Flayn observed him for a moment, clearly weighing up his words. 'I see. If this was the case why not just tell me' Flayn asked, brows still drawn in what Ferdinand was now sure was annoyance. Was it even possible for someone as gentle as Flayn to be angry?

'Well I didn't want to cause a fuss and worry you. It's only a little dizzy spell, if I rest a minute I'm sure I'll be fine' Ferdinand replied, the guilt he felt in the pit of his stomach growing by the second. 

Flayn, upon hearing that Ferdinand did not want to cause her worry, seemed to forgo any suspicions she may have had and opted to set about helping him instead. 'I heard from my brother that you were injured during the last battle, I am worried that it may be this which is causing you such discomfort. Hmm... if that's the case then there is simply nothing else for it. Come, I will escort you to see Manuela'. 

The mention of going to see Manuela set Ferdinand's heart racing all over again, not least because at this time of night she was almost certainly going to be drunk and lamenting the fact that she hasn't had a successful date in goodness knows when. Furthermore, a trip to the infirmary now would mean having to leave the note in the crevice where he had hastily hidden it. Although he was sure he had shoved the note deep enough so that it wasn’t visible and would remain unnoticed until he had time to collect it, it did nothing to calm his nerves. He had to try to persuade Flayn that a visit to see Manuela simply wasn't necessary and that he would be able to make it back to his room by himself. 

'Honestly I'm sure its nothing, I wouldn't want to bother Manuela at this late an hour for something like this...' Ferdinand started to say but upon seeing the look on Flayn’s face quickly trailed off. 

'Do not say such nonsense, I shall accompany you to the infirmary. I would not feel comfortable leaving you in this state' Flayn replied with resolution, she took a step towards Ferdinand so that she could help support him as he walked.

'But I'm sure I could sleep this off...' Ferdinand tried to feebly protest once more but nonetheless accepted Flayn’s offer of support, effectively conceding defeat. 

'There now, we will be at the infirmary in no time. I am glad you did not to protest too much, I would have hated to have to had called my brother for assistance.' The young girl said sounding relived at not having to involved Seteth.

Ferdinand was also relieved at not having Seteth involved as he was certain the older man would have immediately seen through his little act. A shudder passed through him at the thought of what Seteth would do to anyone caught lying to his beloved sister. Flayn felt the shudder and insisted they go even faster to the infirmary in case Ferdinand suddenly collapsed. Ferdinand merely nodded his head in response and sped up, his mind firmly fixed on how he would get the note back without anyone noticing.


End file.
